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Heavy Thoughts…Frozen Ankle

10/20/2011

read your bible

read your bible

Just had to make a tough decision tonight. Spent a lot of time and prayer on it, but as I’m becoming more attuned to “listening to the Holy Spirit” and especially my own conscience, I realized some decisions and some changes had to be made, and tonight I made them. A shame, but hopefully it’s for the best.

Pessimistic prediction? In 50 years, there won’t be a single Bible left, but a whole world full of Christians. God forbid…

In other news…

Facebook is a trap that I need to learn to start avoiding. It’s just too easy to become depressed or combative about some of the things being said on there. Twice today I got involved in an open forum where I probably shouldn’t have. Once was just mildly humiliating, and totally my fault for being humiliated; the second…sigh. The second required some prayer on my part after it started up, and still I felt “led” to engage.

People don’t know this, but I pray for people a lot. I also pray for myself. A lot. I pray for God to make me humble, give me humility, give me more wisdom, show me how to respond with love along with that all important truth. Truth without love is nothing, and love without truth is nothing as well. You can’t really sacrifice one with another, and sadly I’m showing 99% of the people I know more truth than love…and probably scaring that 1% with more love and truth combined than they know how to deal with.

But I pray for people. I see Christianity essentially falling apart around me, and it hurts. I see smart, Godly men and women giving up on truth and embracing essentially gnosticism, and I feel compelled to respond to it. I’ve always known my calling in life was to be more of a teacher of God’s word than anything else, yet I utterly fail without the basic qualification of love, thus making me no authority at all.

Let’s use two examples. Mike Duran’s latest post on the Apologetics of Horror. (Can you tell I like to follow a certain type of Christian author?) I see a lot of truth here, but in the back of my mind, and in the dark recesses of the Internet and Facebook, I hear people saying that light has no business with darkness, so Christian horror is any oxymoron. How do I correct them with truth in love? Engage with them when they won’t listen? Simply keep quiet til my bones erupt? I’m not certain anymore.

Let’s use another, broader example. Christian Nightmares (invaluable blog to a certain type of Christians who believe light should expose darkness) posted a video of the Jesus Movement. Now, did God save people back then? Yes. Did he do mighty works? Certainly. Now look around at the current Christian landscape, with denominations falling apart, young people leaving the church, more and more heresy being taught each day. Where did this generation leading my generation come from? The Jesus Movement. So really, can you look back and say, here were the glory days, why can’t it be like that again?

So, truth and love. How do I get people to engage with the fundamental ideas and truths of the Jesus Movement and look honestly at the results? Should I just wear a t-shirt that says “love believes all things” and not engage? Should I ask them to look at church history or their own lives, especially their friends who got radical and then turned away? There is a ready, practiced rhetorical answer available to anyone who is asked those types of questions. You can’t get through.

Sigh. It’s a wonder I still stick around Christianity after all. Part of this major transition is getting involved with a different church. I’ve found the pastor to be surprisingly intelligent, Biblical, articulate, strong, and above all, humble. Those are characteristics I want to emulate in my own life. And one of my deepest prayers right now is that as I get involved with those group, I won’t be so quick to argue, condemn, judge, defend, stand up for, articulate truth without love. Be the person you want to be. Fake it til you make it, even.

Oh, and my ankle is frozen because I’m icing it, because for two weeks now I’ve been limping. It’s not gout. Feels more like a partial sprain that every time I start to think is finally better, begins to hurt again because I quit icing or elevating.

And I’ve prayed for healing. It’s there for the taking (in the form of ibuprofen, pillows, ankle braces, and ice packs).

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